I decided to have some me time last night. I grabbed my March and April issues of Runner's World magazine (I love this magazine so much I'm subscribed up to 2013) after I finished a half hour of knitting on my newest goddaughter's baby blanket.
I read through my usual favorites - Ask Miles, Rave Runs, etc. Then I came across an article - Peter Sagal's Thin Line at Runner's World http://shar.es/3BERN.
When I finished this article I was speechless. I highly suggest you read it before going any further with my blog.
Like Peter, I am a "former fat kid" as well as a "former fat adult." I lost my father at age 10. I found solace in food after he died and quickly went from a stick thin kid to an overweight teen as puberty hit and my family moved to a new town. I started hanging with the "bigger girls" and hated my life. An opportunity arose for me to lose weight and I jumped at the chance. I started skipping meals and lying to my mother saying I'd already eaten. Within a few short months I was well into disordered eating and developing a distorted body image.
To this day, over 20 years later, I still have disordered eating and a very distorted body image. I am thankful, like the author Peter, that I haven't really had any fall backs in a few years but as I tell my students - I will deal with these thoughts and demons for the rest of my life.
Like he mentions in the article, so many runners have eating issues/disordered eating. When I first began eating I would run and then "allow" myself to have snacks because I worked so hard. Over the years I've learned how to eat healthier and better for my body. I've also learned what foods work for my body and what foods work against it. I do eat snacks - I don't deny myself and I don't feel guilty if I do snack on dark chocolate or other "unhealthy" snacks. I strongly feel that if my body craves it, I should indulge once in a while.
What scared me last night was the realization that, like the author, I do still have that fear of being the "fat kid" again. Whether I openly admit it or not, I don't want to gain back the 50lbs I've lost through running and eating a healthier diet. That shouldn't be something that one thinks about - I know in reality I should love myself no matter what I look like, but it is always a nagging thought in the back of my mind.
The odd thing is - I don't judge others on their weight. It's not as though I am walking around judging others for what they are eating or how much they weigh. If you are happy with your weight, that's what matters. My fear is my weight gain and how I will feel about myself.
I am very thankful that Peter had the guts to write this article and then submit it for publication. It helped me to realize that I'm not the only one struggling with these feelings and fears. I have been lucky enough to keep my running and gym time to a healthy limit and have not caused my body any major damage by pushing myself harder when I need to.
That's the other reason I choose to blog - because I know friends and students are reading this and if they ever feel that I'm pushing myself too hard or not being as healthy as I should, I will hear about it. My staff have no problems telling me how they feel and hopefully that will continue. : )
So for those of you who are struggling with the same issues - please read this article and know that you are not alone. And reach out for support - it is there if you are ready for it.
I read through my usual favorites - Ask Miles, Rave Runs, etc. Then I came across an article - Peter Sagal's Thin Line at Runner's World http://shar.es/3BERN.
When I finished this article I was speechless. I highly suggest you read it before going any further with my blog.
Like Peter, I am a "former fat kid" as well as a "former fat adult." I lost my father at age 10. I found solace in food after he died and quickly went from a stick thin kid to an overweight teen as puberty hit and my family moved to a new town. I started hanging with the "bigger girls" and hated my life. An opportunity arose for me to lose weight and I jumped at the chance. I started skipping meals and lying to my mother saying I'd already eaten. Within a few short months I was well into disordered eating and developing a distorted body image.
To this day, over 20 years later, I still have disordered eating and a very distorted body image. I am thankful, like the author Peter, that I haven't really had any fall backs in a few years but as I tell my students - I will deal with these thoughts and demons for the rest of my life.
Like he mentions in the article, so many runners have eating issues/disordered eating. When I first began eating I would run and then "allow" myself to have snacks because I worked so hard. Over the years I've learned how to eat healthier and better for my body. I've also learned what foods work for my body and what foods work against it. I do eat snacks - I don't deny myself and I don't feel guilty if I do snack on dark chocolate or other "unhealthy" snacks. I strongly feel that if my body craves it, I should indulge once in a while.
What scared me last night was the realization that, like the author, I do still have that fear of being the "fat kid" again. Whether I openly admit it or not, I don't want to gain back the 50lbs I've lost through running and eating a healthier diet. That shouldn't be something that one thinks about - I know in reality I should love myself no matter what I look like, but it is always a nagging thought in the back of my mind.
The odd thing is - I don't judge others on their weight. It's not as though I am walking around judging others for what they are eating or how much they weigh. If you are happy with your weight, that's what matters. My fear is my weight gain and how I will feel about myself.
I am very thankful that Peter had the guts to write this article and then submit it for publication. It helped me to realize that I'm not the only one struggling with these feelings and fears. I have been lucky enough to keep my running and gym time to a healthy limit and have not caused my body any major damage by pushing myself harder when I need to.
That's the other reason I choose to blog - because I know friends and students are reading this and if they ever feel that I'm pushing myself too hard or not being as healthy as I should, I will hear about it. My staff have no problems telling me how they feel and hopefully that will continue. : )
So for those of you who are struggling with the same issues - please read this article and know that you are not alone. And reach out for support - it is there if you are ready for it.
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