I decided to have some me time last night. I grabbed my March and April issues of Runner's World magazine (I love this magazine so much I'm subscribed up to 2013) after I finished a half hour of knitting on my newest goddaughter's baby blanket.
  I read through my usual favorites - Ask Miles, Rave Runs, etc.  Then I came across an article - Peter Sagal's Thin Line at Runner's World http://shar.es/3BERN.
  When I finished this article I was speechless.  I highly suggest you read it before going any further with my blog.
  Like Peter, I am a "former fat kid" as well as a "former fat adult."  I lost my father at age 10.  I found solace in food after he died and quickly went from a  stick thin kid to an overweight teen as puberty hit and my family moved to a new town.  I started hanging with the "bigger girls" and hated my life.  An opportunity arose for me to lose weight and I jumped at the chance.  I started skipping meals and lying to my mother saying I'd already eaten.  Within a few short months I was well into disordered eating and developing a distorted body image.
  To this day, over 20 years later, I still have disordered eating and a very distorted body image.  I am thankful, like the author Peter, that I haven't really had any fall backs in a few years but as I tell my students - I will deal with these thoughts and demons for the rest of my life.
  Like he mentions in the article, so many runners have eating issues/disordered eating.  When I first began eating I would run and then "allow" myself to have snacks because I worked so hard.  Over the years I've learned how to eat healthier and better for my body.  I've also learned what foods work for my body and what foods work against it.   I do eat snacks - I don't deny myself and I don't feel guilty if I do snack on dark chocolate or other "unhealthy" snacks.  I strongly feel that if my body craves it, I should indulge once in a while.
  What scared me last night was the realization that, like the author, I do still have that fear of being the "fat kid" again.  Whether I openly admit it or not, I don't want to gain back the 50lbs I've lost through running and eating a healthier diet.  That shouldn't be something that one thinks about - I know in reality I should love myself no matter what I look like, but it is always a nagging thought in the back of my mind.
  The odd thing is - I don't judge others on their weight.  It's not as though I am walking around judging others for what they are eating or how much they weigh.  If you are happy with your weight, that's what matters.  My fear is my weight gain and how I will feel about myself.
  I am very thankful that Peter had the guts to write this article and then submit it for publication.  It helped me to realize that I'm not the only one struggling with these feelings and fears.  I have been lucky enough to keep my running and gym time to a healthy limit and have not caused my body any major damage by pushing myself harder when I need to. 
  That's the other reason I choose to blog - because I know friends and students are reading this and if they ever feel that I'm pushing myself too hard or not being as healthy as I should, I will hear about it.  My staff have no problems telling me how they feel and hopefully that will continue. : )
  So for those of you who are struggling with the same issues - please read this article and know that you are not alone.  And reach out for support - it is there if you are ready for it.

An update finally!

  I apologize for the lack of blogging lately!
  As some of you may know, I arrived back from the Grand Canyon last weekend.  I was one of 3 advisors who had the pleasure of taking 9 students on a camping trip over Spring Break.  We camped beneath the most amazing moon in Roswell, NM, stayed in windy Tucson, AR then finally made it to the Grand Canyon!

   I have come to realize in my many years on this earth, my fear of heights is not normal.  I had no problem standing here with Travis to get a photo yet I couldn't handle being in this building (the center was open with a wall holding you back from falling):

  So odd!  But whatever. : )
  We managed to become 1 of 5% of the 5 million visitors who have gone below the rim.  We walked about .25 miles down the trail our students and advisor would exit the following day.  They hiked all the way down (9.2 miles), camped out and then hiked back up a few days later.

   At this point in the week we were super cold so we were in many, many of layers of clothing to stay warm.  The average temp was around 60 degrees but there was always a strong wind which made it feel more like 40's - 50's.
   We hiked this trail numerous times during our 3 days on the rim of the canyon:

   Saw a beautiful sunrise -

  And found many interesting things like fake towns!!

  My favorite trees of the trip:

  I learned so many things about myself (like I enjoy camping and hate rude campers).  I managed to stay as healthy as possible on the trip - eating fruit and veggies when possible (I began to crave them by the end of the trip!) and managed to maintain my weight the entire trip.  That was hard since you work up such an appetite with all the hiking and moving around!  I also rediscovered my LOVE of Cliff Peanut Butter bars! So yummy!
  I packed my running gear but sadly, the only run I got in was about a mile - running from the van to the geology store and back on the last day.  The air was too thin for me and I didn't want to hurt myself in the process.  I figured we hiked at least 5+ miles every day so that was more than enough to keep me in a healthy state.
  I also learned that I am in better shape than I thought I was.  We went to Carlsbad Caverns.  The elevator had a wait of 1 hour to get out so I was one of the adventurous ones who decided to hike back out.  If you haven't been there yet, it can be an almost straight down drop at times (it is usually a one-way down walk).  Not a fun walk back up but I decided to attempt it.  When I started out the woman warned me it was going to be an hour to an hour and a half hike back up.  I cursed myself for not bringing my ipod but started up anyway.  I kept a decent pace and made it up the steep climb in around 20 minutes.  Needless to say, I was extremely proud of myself!  I wasn't even that out of breath afterward!
  It also reminded me that exercise is important and necessary over vacations!  It is so easy to just relax and be lazy but that's not who I am - I prefer to walk around and learn all about the area rather than just sit on a beach and sleep in the sun all break.  I'm hoping to convince my friend we need to sight see New Orleans this summer and not rent a car - so we'll walk everywhere!!
  Since I've been back Eryn and I have been back on our normal gym routine. I feel wonderful being back in the gym.  We've been doing about an hour or so 5 days a week.  I'm back to running with Phoebe on Mondays which is also good.  Phoebe is a better runner than me so she helps me work on my speed and endurance, which is what I have been slacking on when I run alone.
  My goal for Lent is 40 miles in 40 days.  I'm happy to say that I've been catching up quickly!  I was able to run 3.5 on Monday and 2 miles on Tuesday.  That puts me at 7.5 so far.  I'm hoping to hit the river once or twice this weekend and shooting for 2-3 miles each run.
  Giving up Diet Coke has also been much better than last year.  When I gave it up for Lent last year I was very lethargic for the first 2 weeks and had horrible withdraw symptoms.  This year I haven't even noticed it!  I gave it up right before we left for the Canyon and even during the trip only had the occasional Coke Zero or root beer.  I've been slowly increasing my water consumption and bringing tea back into my life.
  Another thing I'm working on is using my crock pot on the weekends to make food I can freeze and have meals for the summer.  We'll see how well this works but the plan is to make chili and sloppy joe's this weekend and possibly a few chicken dishes next weekend.
  Overall things are going wonderfully which is always nice to report.  I've already lost 2lbs from my pre-canyon weight and hope to lose about 5 more before our formal on the 9th so I can wear my favorite dress.  If I don't, no big!  I have a million dresses anyway.
  And since I wasn't able to do a 5k in March due to my trip, I'm planning on doing the Heart Walk on my sister's bday (April 1st) with some co-workers as well as the Race Against Racism.  I might even look at fitting another 5k in sometime in April depending on what I see.

40 days, 40 (or more) miles

  My apologies for being absent.  Spring semester always tends to fly by and time is very hard to come by.  After the conference I was swamped with playing catch up and honestly only hit the gym twice a week.  Thankfully Phoebe and I are back to running on Mondays (we're trying the track outside - mostly because I am trying to build up to running outside again).  I also managed to get two river runs in as well - both around 2 miles.  My goal is to work up to at least 4 miles on the river by mid-summer (or before).
  This week is Housing Selection so I've been out of my office most of the week.  I was able to get a run in on Monday with Phoebe but I was exhausted from a long day so it wasn't a long run.  I showed her how Eryn and I usually do our weights and she showed me a few new exercises and introduced me to a new machine downstairs so I'm excited to start using it in two weeks when I am back on schedule.
  I wasn't able to make it last night due to unforeseen circumstances so instead I did some Wii Fit and weights in my apartment.  Even though I haven't been able to make it to the gym as much as usual I have been making sure to get my 10,000 steps in as much as possible.  That makes me feel as though I'm at least where I should be in one aspect of my life.  I hate when life isn't structured and not being on my gym schedule, to me, means it's not structured right now.
  I did make time tonight to hit the gym by myself.  I ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill at a 10min/mile pace and then walked a half mile at a 4.0 incline at 4.5 speed.  Great workout for your butt!  Then I went upstairs and did 15 minutes of weights followed by a half mile run on the track.  At that point I was pretty exhausted and went home.
  I am hoping to find time to do a lot of hiking on the trip to the grand canyon.  It's going to involve a lot of driving (10 hours our first day!) and a lot of camping but once we get to the canyon I'm excited to use the new camera and get some good shots.  It's one of those places I've always wanted to visit but figured I'd never have the chance. : )
  When I get back (in 2 weekends) I'll be back to regularly blogging and back to a regular gym schedule/running schedule.
  In the meantime, I'm excited to say I've picked my next few races!!  In April I'll be doing the Race Against Racism - it's a downtown race so it will be pretty hilly but I am up for the challenge!! And May's race will by the Cinco de Mayo race and possibly the Full Moon 5k the following weekend. : )
  I am going to try to fit a race in this month but I'll be missing the St. Patty's Day 5k (sadly!) because I'll be travelling that week.  I'm really sad about it because it's the race that started my running in my new town and I wanted to see how far I've come but maybe next year.
  Finally, I want to thank Jessica for this years Lent suggestion.  Last year I was encouraged not to just give something up but to also do something for myself.  Last year I gave up Diet Coke (first 2 weeks almost killed me!) and wrote post cards to 40 people who touched and changed my life.  This year I am once again giving up Diet Coke and will attempt to run a total of 40 (or more) miles during the 40 days of Lent.  Jessica said this was "easy" for me but since I won't really have the chance to run while I'm travelling (I will have my gear just in case) I will end up being 9 to 10 days behind.  Having the time limit will be good I think because it will make me set my goals for the week higher than usual and push me to push myself harder. : )
  Good luck if you are choosing to do something for Lent!
Day 1 - 2 miles!  38 to go!!

Busy Bee

  My apologizes for not being a good blogger.  I was at an in-town conference early last week and it ended up throwing my schedule completely off more than I had anticipated.  Slowly trying to get back onto schedule, which is silly since in 2 weeks I'll be off again - heading to the Grand Canyon with students! : )
  Anyway, a quick catch up...
  Eryn and I ran the Sweetheart 5k (a week later than planned) and did a great job!  We usually run an 11.30/mile and I followed Eddie's rule of trying to cut at least a minute off our regular running each mile.  I had Eryn running a 10min/mile without her knowing.  She kept apologizing thinking she was going really slow but she kicked butt and crossed the line at 32.31!!  That's a new PR for her! : )
  The course itself was wonderful - all flat and a pretty view.  I even learned where our local zoo was (but I'll probably never go back except to race).  It was definitely easy to keep a nice, steady pace.  They also had people close to the finish line telling us when we "heard the cow bells" we'd be close.  As we rounded the corner from the swamp we heard the cow bells and it really did help us push on.  As I was encouraging Eryn to dig deep and push harder the woman next to me said "you go girls! If I had anything left in me, I'd be right there with you!"  Made me feel good because I definitely could have kept going past the finish line.
  Due to the conference I wasn't able to run as much as usual.  I ended up not doing the 5k for the conference as I stayed later the night before for an event and didn't get enough sleep to be able to do it without exhausting myself at the end of the day.
  I'm trying to catch up a little bit this week - it's been hard.  I ran the outside track yesterday with one of my students and we just made a mile and a half before I needed to walk to get my breath.  I'm not used to running outside again and it's killing me!
  Today I didn't have anyone to workout with so I drove out to the river.  I put in my iShuffle and ran by myself - enjoying the smell of the water, dodging the gnats and pushing myself as much as I could.  I ended up running just over 2 miles in 20 minutes and walking about a mile.  Unfortunately I drank more Diet Coke than water today so right now I am paying for it with a headache.  I really need to remember to hydrate EVERY day and not just most days!
  I did treat myself after my run - mainly because I was running late and figured the caf would be closed.  I went to Panera to grab a sandwich.  I haven't been there in forever!!  I got the napa chicken salad and it was soooo good!  I was starving so I ate all of it which I later realized I shouldn't have - it was a little too filling and made my belly hurt for a bit.
  Hopefully tomorrow I can find some time to go do weights since I've been neglecting them for the past 2 weeks... We'll see. : )